VALENTINE’S DAY WORST ARTICLE

  • Food

Anything with garlic is probably a no-go. Listen, I love garlic just as much as the next person, but if you plan on any kind of kissing, I sincerely doubt that your partner wants to smell garlic. Or maybe they do! I don’t know, it’s 2018, I guess anything is possible? But still, unless your partner has explicitly said “I love smelling someone’s garlic breath while making out!”, it’s best to avoid it altogether. While we’re on the subject, I’d avoid onions and pickles too. – Adina Heisler, Contributor

One must steer clear of the burrito. Delectable but messy. – Rachel, Contributor

There are no no-go zones when it comes to food. Eat your heart out. — Hoon, Managing Editor

  • Gifts

Avoid Lingerie.  It’s a little presumptuous.  Best to play it safe with a nice t-shirt or a funky new blazer. – Rachel, Contributor

Pets. Best not gamble with a live thing. — Hoon, Managing Editor

  • Songs

Paul Simon’s I Am a Rock wouldn’t be my first choice for serenade. – Rachel, Contributor

FKJ and Masego’s Tadow. It’s just too sexy that both of you might end up swooning. — Hoon, Managing Editor

  • Places

Chipotle? – Rachel, Contributor

Your mom’s. — Hoon, Managing Editor

VALENTINE’S DAY BEST OF

  • Best Song to Play While Getting Some Valentine’s Loving

The best song to play while getting some Valentine’s loving is At Last by the great Etta Jones One of the best song ever, not to mention that it’s also Barack Obama favorite song. This ballade will make you want to be in love again. Aurore – Fashion Contributor

Stevie Wonder’s My Cherie Amour. This soul classic is dangerously smooth. – Rachel, Contributer

Miguel’s Arch & Point. Or Pussy is Mine. Or How Many Drinks. Honestly, Kaleidoscope Dream was a great album. Play it on repeat until you get tired and fall asleep. – Jana, Contributor 

D’Angelo’s Really Love. That is, only if you really love. If not, definitely something less loving. Don’t want to get your signals mixed up. — Hoon, Managing Editor

Janet always knows how to get it steamy. AnyTime, AnyPlace from her fifth album Janet will definitely turn up the heat. – Drew Brown, Editor-in-Chief 

  • Best Movies to Watch to Make you Feel Less Shitty About Being Single

No need to think twice for this one. For me the best movie to watch to make you feel less shitty is Sex and the City 2 and I insist on the 2 because in the first one it’s all about Carrie and Mr Big and how he reached to manage his fear of being engaged again. At the end of the first, they are getting married and everybody is perfectly happy. In the second at the contrary, it’s all about cheating and how Samantha is back in the game. Single and fabulous again. Aurore – Fashion Contributor

If you’re single, and feel so alone about it, might I recommend watching the iconic Legally Blonde? Elle Woods once thought that she needed a boy to make her happy. Then she realized that it’s better to get into Harvard Law (with 179 on the LSATs, thank you very much), tell your ex to eff off, befriend his girlfriend (who will dump him for being a loser), and, most importantly, become a kick-ass lawyer. Sure, Elle was initially bummed about being single, but she soon became way better off for it. Do yourself a favor and watch this ASAP. Adina Heisler, Contributor

Lost In Translation will help to quell any bachelor’s blues. Coppola reminds us: one moment you might be in love with your husband, but before you know it, you could be drifting aimlessly through Tokyo, developing an unconsummated love-friendship with an apathetic movie star during his mid-life crisis. Who wants any of that? – Rachel, Contributor

How To Be Single. I mean…it’s in the title. I might or might not have learnt a few things – you be the judge. – Jana, Contributor 

Happy Together will make you want to visit the Iguazu Falls with your ex-lover and push him/her gently into the heartless and beautiful wonder. — Hoon, Managing Editor

  • Best Love Ballad (Tongue in Cheek)

Like any good love ballad, Michael Bolton’s How am I Supposed to Live Without You? is romantic to a point of discomfort. This song will leave you longing for your lover and wishing that the eighties never happened.  – Rachel, Contributer

 

Leonard Cohen’s I’m Your Man always struck me to be equal parts romantic and sardonic. You’ll mean every word you utter as you sing along and regret the fact. — Hoon, Managing Editor

  • Best Quirky Places to Go on Valentines Day

When I think about the best quirky place to go on Valentine ’s Day, I think about a place I was used to go on a date with my boyfriend. It’s a secret bar in Paris named El Clandestino. To know this place, you really need to know someone who know someone… To access to the bar, you have to go through a 4 stars kitchen hotel which is pretty cool. The decoration of the bar gives a muffled and intimate atmosphere and the particularity of the bar is that it has a gigantic Christian cross on the ceiling. Aurore Evee – Fashion Contributor

Why limit your lover to a few chocolates when you could take them to the source?  This season, take your date grocery shopping.  Let them scour the entire candy aisle. Allow them choice of their favourite exotic fruits, whole grain breakfast cereals, and aphrodisiacs. Lunch on prepackaged sushi. And after an afternoon of strolling through glistening aisles of plenty, you may even have enough ingredients for a nice home cooked meal. – Rachel, Contributor

Okay, first off, shout out to Rachel for shouting out grocery stores. Nothing sexier than aisles of fresh produce. After a day of grocery shopping and subsequent romantic antics, head over to Black Dice Café on Dundas West for Japanese whiskey, Hitachino beers, microwaved takoyaki, and rockabilly tunes off the Seeburg jukebox. If you get tired of each other, take a break at the vintage pinball machine. — Hoon, Managing Editor

Your grandparents’ super cheesy Valentines Day 50th Anniversary. This can go either of two ways. You’ll be inspired by a love that’s lasted so long, or you’ll realize you don’t want to be together for that long. It’s a win-win situation. – Jana, Contributor 

  • Best Home Cooked Meal to Impress

Here is a tip, the best meal to cook at home for Valentine’s Day is the one you can order on Uber Eat… Yep no jokes; Depending on what you order, you will eat like in a real restaurant. It’s tasty and still pretty cheap. Ideally, to pretend you cooked everything by yourself, order a little bit before the arrival of your girlfriend or boyfriend and put everything in super fancy platters. Try to make your kitchen look a bit messy and leave some spices everywhere. You can also wear an apron to look like a real chef. Aurore – Fashion Contributor

You can’t go wrong with Turducken. There are no compromises here – a deboned chicken stuffed into a deboned duck stuffed into a deboned turkey. Not to mention, it’s incredibly difficult to pull off. – Rachel, Contributor

I say skip dinner all together and get to what’s really important. Nothing you eat is going to sit that well anyway. Stick to a safe and sexy menu: wine and chocolate. – Jana, Contributor 

Bread service is a thing for a reason. With a bit of fancy olive oil for boiled and salted veges with a plate of cheese and chacuteries, you’re set. If not, pizza. Pizza always signals Hot n’ Ready. — Hoon, Managing Editoe