Who hasn’t had one of those dates that make one reconsider lifelong singledom or better yet question the very foundations of creation myths based on two strangers meeting and not killing each other immediately? The struggle — the struggle to live just a few hours a day with a real sense of belonging and companionship — is real. Especially in this urban landscape wherein some two million people mete out a living. We collected here some traces of said struggle, dried on the walls of our memories like some early cave paintings of portent.
Hoon, Managing Editor
Thought it was a date. It wasn’t.
Adina Heisler, Contributor
If you’re a single bisexual or pansexual woman out in the world you’ve probably come across the term “unicorn” before. For the people out there who think a unicorn is just a mythical animal, let me explain. Some straight couples are under the assumption that all bisexual, pansexual, or in any way queer women (but especially the first two) want to have threesomes with then. Look, if you wanna have a threesome that’s totally your business, but the assumption that someone’s sexual orientation makes them automatically down for that is just not true. Anyway, a few months ago I matched on Tinder with a girl that seemed pretty cool. We got along really well over chat and decided to meet in person for coffee. The date itself was totally fine. After, she asked if I wanted to meet again and she said “Sure, I’d love for you to meet my boyfriend too.” I asked if they were in an open relationship or something similar and she said “No, but we’re trying to find a girl to be a third with us.” I was totally flabbergasted. “Why did you think I would want that?” I asked. She responded, “I mean, you said you were bi…” Ok. No. Just no. Needless to say, I never saw that girl again. Hopefully she and her boyfriend have since decided to be more upfront about what they want, and not assume every bi girl wants to be in a threesome with them.
Claire Ball, Contributor
For our second date, he invited me to his house to order Chinese food and watch movies. When I got there he had already ordered $50 in Chinese food so I offered to split the cost with him (we were poor university students and I wanted to be nice and fair). He insisted that it was okay and told me not to worry about it. The food arrived and we decided to watch a Harry Potter movie (this was basically the highlight of the night for me). A quarter of the way into the movie he asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to “take a nap.” I told him I didn’t want to sleep with him and the rest of our night continued as we awkwardly finished Harry Potter. A few days later (after I told him I wasn’t interested in him), he proceeded to tell one of our mutual friends that I was a bitch who “used him” for free food and dates. Really, he was just mad I didn’t want to date him because, after I broke it off, he begged me to keep seeing him the rest of the summer (lol).
Natasha Grodzinski, Contributor
I went out for coffee with this guy I’d been seeing for a little while and the conversation consisted of him telling me 1) my taste in movies was terrible, 2) my taste in TV shows was terrible (YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BREAKING BAD?????), 3) my taste in music was terrible, and 4) I don’t drink coffee the way it should be drunk. The exact level of his douche-ness hadn’t been revealed to me until that crucial moment and I swear, somewhere far away, I could hear the sound of a plane entering a nose-dive.
Kimberley Drapack, Contributor
I don’t date. I’m not saying that in a fun-loving, quirky way where I have somehow met my soulmate before the ripe age of 18 and we’ve happily been together ever since. It’s more just that I’ve never really been comfortable with the concept of dating. Putting yourself on display and having to prove you’re worthy enough for that second round of Prosecco at an over-priced wine bar. For this reason, I don’t have a “worst date” story to share with you darling Novella readers, but I will say, make sure whoever you are spending your time on is someone worthy of your time, because, yes, you are worth that second (or third) glass of sparkling wine.
Christopher Zaghi, Fashion Editor
The unbearable entirety of my last relationship. XO, b***h